The Heart Of Outer Space 

  The sky grew dark. Everyone on earth could tell that the sun was shining, but 
  in the eyes of a reluctant solder, the world was nothing but a life of dark 
  pain and confusion. A sad song with only a few notes, that played over and 
  over again in the mind. It was spring, and the sound and sight of love was all 
  over. From the people walking around on that Friday afternoon, to the geese 
  and animals playing in a nearby pond with their new offspring. Life was good. 
  Life was pure. Life was damn boring. Sure if this was what people wished for, 
  this is what the people had gotten..but then what was there left to fight for? 
   Next to nothing.  

  Heero Yuy wished he knew the answer to this. As he took his hands out of his 
  jean pockets and stood atop a steep hill in a grassy park, he couldn't grasp 
  this new life, this new concept.  What was a life of peace anyway?  Was it 
  supposed to feel like this?  He turned his head as he saw a young boy and girl 
  walking past him with their finger's entwined.  His expression lightened, and 
  he turned back to the East.   With a quick jump, he did a flip down the hill 
  and ended up in a laying position on his back, staring up at the sky.  He 
  smiled.  God, it felt good to do that.  

  The clouds overhead were lined with silver, and he could see shaped forming 
  out of the clouds.  There was wing 0, looking down on him, but by this time, 
  it was in the past.  The Gundams had been sent into the sun, which had been 
  Quatre's idea.  If it had been up to him, he would have taken the Gundam apart 
  and used it to make a car, but since he was a simple mechanic, there no such 
  need for material as Gundaniam.  

  He focused his mind back to the war.  The war.  The war....it was over. Why 
  was he thinking of the war at a time like this?  Heero placed his hands behind 
  his head and closed his eyes.  Images from the past came back to him as he 
  could feel the air growing cooler.  Images of the war, the colonies, the 
  suffering, he could hear the screams of people as he saw the L4 colony being 
  destroyed.  He saw Wing 0 as he was being tested for increased in battle.  
  Duo, Trowa, Wufei, Quatre-he could hear their words of encouragement as he 
  blew the last bit of the battle ship Libra to smitherines in outer space.  He 
  also thought about the last battle he had had with Zech..or Milliardo.  He had 
  never wanted to fight like that, never once had he ever fought such a 
  meaningless battle. 

  He opened his eyes to see a dark cloud hovering overhead.  He sat up not 
  turning his eyes away from the sky.  Every single think about the years before 
  came back to him now.  He could remember it now.  He thought about the war, it 
  was strange-thinking about the past like this, it had happened three years 
  ago.  And three years ago to this day was when it happened.  He wasn't sad, 
  but only a little confused.  He had lost communication with everyone he had 
  ever known, had never thought about them, or seen any of them.  Why was he 
  thinking of it now?  Was it because it was the anniversary since of the 
  colonies finally finding peace with the United Earth's Spear alliance?  
  Pacifism it seems, took a long time to achieve, but that fateful day in the 
  year 195. 

  But the thing that got to Heero the most, was a side track thought that had 
  been shoved into the back of his mind ever since he had flown in Wing 0 after 
  destroying the particle of Libra and saving the earth.  A thought of 
  uneasiness.  This feeling-he did not know, nor understand.  Was fate without a 
  sense of irony for his future, was a strange twist of an ending about to come 
  into place.  The thought was more of a confusion.  Without the war, what 
  happened to him now?  Would he just live on earth as the mechanic known as 
  Odin Lowe Jr, and have people forever forget that it was him who had saved the 
  Earth from an eternal winter?  Or would he be known as Heero Yuy, the fifteen 
  year old (at the time) pilot of Wing 0 who was remembered as a admirable 
  soldier for the colonies?  It wasn't that he was looking for gratitude and 
  worship from people, but what path would he be forced to take?  

  The question still remained as he got up and walked up the hill.  A rain drop 
  fell onto his index finger, followed by a few more onto his hair line.  He 
  turned his cobalt blue eyes up into the sky and absorbed the color grey.  

  "Where does the new born go from here?", he asked as he trudged on through the 
  now abandoned park.  He was living two lives; one of a forgotten soldier, the 
  other, as another human being living to make ends meat.  What path would he 
  take?

  Aside from feeling lost in his own life, and feeling his own former 
  personality run off into the future without him, he felt like he didn't belong 
  on Earth.  The thought of returning to outer space was more of a dark tunnel 
  in which one could get lost in and never be able to find his way out again.  
  If he did go back to the colonies, what would await him there?  The same life 
  on Earth-only miles away from the blue planet and in the middle of outer 
  space.  It was just in island in a much better sea, and Heero felt as if he 
  was stuck in the middle of the vast, starry ocean.  

  Heero sat down on a bench under a tree.  It didn't make much of a shelter from 
  the rain, but he didn't.  He just didn't.  What was he supposed to do, go on 
  with his life and forget about everything he cared about...what did he care 
  about?  He raised his head from his arms and brushed away the wet strands of 
  hair stuck to his face, "What should I do?", he asked no one in particular.  
  He lowered his had again.  Heero had felt no emotion before, but maybe since 
  the war had ended, he had a reason to act like a human.  

  He had never felt so helpless and confused in his life.  It made him feel like 
  a small child again, clinging to everyone else for answers and support.  He 
  was stronger than this, and why-he was a soldier..well used to be anyway, but 
  either way, he still had it in his heart.  

  "Return to outer space"

  Heero's head shot up.  Who had said that?  He looked around the empty park and 
  saw no one around.  The park was now covered in water, and looked as if 
  someone had spread glass over the streets and pavement. He watched the rain 
  fall into small puddles and looked at his reflection in one that was under his 
  feet.  He could see his face.  He no longer saw himself, but a new person who 
  had no past, and obviously no future. What was he to do?  He could just keep 
  on living on Earth, but would he feel this way for the next day and the next?  
  Why was he wondering about it now?, it had never crossed his mind before...

  "Go back to space.  Find her"

  He heard it again, and this time, he didn't make any attempt to look up and 
  see who it was.  He knew who the voice was, it was his own voice.  It was the 
  first time he had spoken in a long time, it was like learning to live again. 
  Maybe for the better maybe for the worse.   
  Heero stood up and emerged from the bench and headed out towards home.  He 
  didn't know why, but he knew he had to go back to outer space. For the reason 
  he didn't know why.  You know when you do something that is completely out of 
  the subject of matter, and you don't know why you must do it, but it just 
  feels right?  He knew he was in that position.  

  It wasn't home after all, but it was his past, and he had to confront it. 
  Either way, maybe going into outer space would be a way to get his mind off of 
  his work and perhaps he could stumble his way into a new destiny as he had 
  done when he was selected to be a Gundam pilot. A new question crossed his 
  mind; what would have happened to him if he had never become a Gundam pilot?  
  The question would have been pondered a little more, if Heero hadn't forced it 
  out of his mind immediately. 



  "One ticket to the L1 colony, please".  Heero faced the lady at the air port 
  who was behind the counter.  She examined his travel papers, his credit cards, 
  I.D and the whole shinanagan.  Finally, after a few minutes of waiting 
  patiently, she handed him his ticked a long with everything he had handed her, 
  back to him.  

  "Thank you and enjoy your flight Mr. Odin", she said, flashing him a smile 
  that reminded him of how Duo had been.  He wondered what had happened to that 
  guy anyway.  Probably doing some stand up comic gig or off with Hilde 
  somewhere.  He shrugged.  The only person he knew about was Quatre, who he 
  knew was up in the rebuilt L4 colony, taking care of his heir duties and 
  probably hanging out with his multitude of sisters.  

  Sitting down on the seat in the empty jet, he leaned back into his seat and 
  sat his duffel bag under his feet.  What would it be like anyway, getting to 
  see Earth from far away, it had been so long.  He closed his eyes and sleep 
  claimed him.  He dreamed, thought it was far from happy.  Once again, images 
  from the past returned.  He saw the encounter with the girl and the puppy 
  again, he hated that memory, but it would haunt him forever, and he knew that 
  there was no way to forget it.  Then he saw himself on the battle field years 
  ago, holding the self destruct button in his hand.  "Mission accepted".  That 
  had been his favorite line...other than "omae o korosu". It was stupid 
  thinking about it.  

  A happy memory flashed into his mind.  Finally.  Relena.  He never did figure 
  out his true feelings for her.  He knew that he liked her..but in a way, he 
  didn't know why.  Maybe it was the admiration and the fact that he kept secret 
  from other people, the feeling on how he thought she was stronger of a person 
  than he was.  Sure he could pilot a Gundam, live through deadly explosions, 
  disarm weapons, hack, and excel in combat..but he could never rule a kingdom, 
  and he could never try to help the world to true peace, lead a band of 
  helpless solders to safety, or have the heart to spare the life of someone who 
  had assasinated a loved one.  No, she was a strong person with a mind of her 
  own.  A bit scary and stubborn at times, but one had to look past that and see 
  the good side of her.  

  His eyes opened and he leaned over to see out of his window.  There was the 
  Earth, hovering in space like a giant blue cristal ball.  It was so beautiful, 
  like the most rare things in life that he had ever thought about, this was the 
  first time he had ever seen the Earth and appreciated it just because it was 
  there.  He sighed and stared at it for a few more minutes. The oceans, the 
  clouds that twisted and twirled into each other forming patterns, and all the 
  while, being a symbol of peace for all of mankind.  He had saved this place.  
  He had saved Earth.  





  The trip through outer space ended before it had even begun.  Heero grasped 
  his duffel bag and walked out of the jet, he was the only passenger.  He 
  stopped in the doorway of the jet and looked out past the lobby station, past 
  the trees and looked to the enormous city that was inside this space colony.  
  L1, he was home.  

  Taking one step in front of the other, he walked down the steps of the jet and 
  into the lobby.  There he didn't stop, he walked out and made his first stop 
  at a motel called then 8th Star.  He rented room number 101, and tossed his 
  bag aside.  He walked over to a bed and collapsed onto it, laying face down 
  across from it.  The smell of laundry detergent, cheap carpeting, and that 
  "all too strange" smell that we all have smelt in hotel and motel rooms filled 
  Heero's nostrils. He got up and flipped over, staring at the ceiling fan, 
  watching it go around and around.  What a way to waste your time.  

  He got up and walked out of the door, locking it on the way out.  He looked 
  out over the city, what a strangely familular and unfamilular place this was. 
  Without even thinking, he ran.  Away from the hotel, away from the people, 
  past the main park, past the school where he had once played croquette in the 
  fields with other kids, past the old training facility where he had learned 
  how to punch someone without hurting himself, past the old burnt down toy 
  store, the gas stations, the car dealers, the candy shops, the clothes stores 
  (god forbid the spandex section-he had finally gotten a pair of jeans and a 
  decent shirt) and past the appliance store.  Where his feet were taking him, 
  he did not know until he reached it.  

  He looked up and recognized this old, falling apart and abandoned building.  
  It was where his Gundam had been built, where he had been raised by Dr. J, 
  where he had learned everything about being a soldier...everything.  It made 
  him feel angry to see this place again, it had made him into what he now 
  was-an emotionless person who was now lost in a war..a war of nerves.  

  The building was now broken down and abandoned, it had probably been 
  demolished by a wrecking ball, about the same time that the Gundams had been 
  disposed of.  He sat down on one of the four walls that were broken down, it 
  must have been one of the hall ways leading into the main garage.  He lowered 
  his head and put his hands onto the back of his neck.  Why had he come here of 
  all places? Was it to see this? Was it to find out that there was no more of 
  his past. That must have been it, he had probably come back her for that 
  reason. 

  Heero wanted to re-live the past.  He was afraid, he knew it.  He was afraid 
  to go on, to live, to see what held the future.  What scared him the most of 
  all of this, was the fact that there might not be another war.  Wars and 
  battles were what his life consisted of, and without wars or battles, his life 
  was meaningless.  It seemed like such a waste-all of the training, the 
  technology, all of the lives lost all to a stupid battle that was now over.  
  He had no feelings, no sense of emotion for anything, and for what?!  A battle 
  that was now over.  He was a useless soldier now.  He had vague memories of 
  what he had even felt about fighting in the beginning, but it was all catching 
  up to him now.  

  But most of all, he was upset about who he was now.  He often envied people 
  who knew love and kindness, something that he was never able to express to 
  anyone else.  He had ben bread for battle, to be the perfect soldier, and 
  because of that, he had been forced to give up all emotions, he was like a 
  robot with blood, now.  He wanted to know love, he wanted to know what it was 
  like to jump high into the clouds and laugh because something was funny, he 
  wanted to look evil in the eye and say "I don't fear you because you do not 
  exist", he wanted to think life of some importance..was that so damn hard to 
  ask? ..he could imagine himself doing it, but he would never know what to do 
  when the time came.  Heero knew he would never wish his life on someone 
  else..but for once he wanted someone to feel the way he felt.... 

  "Heero....?  Is it really you....?".  

  Heero heard a familular voice speaking to him.  He jumped slightly and looked 
  up.  Standing a few steps away from him was her.  After days and weeks and 
  years he was finally seeing her once again, face to face.  

  "Relena...", he said, his eyes wide.   He stood up and walked up to her so he 
  was standing a couple of steps away from her.    He didn't say anything, and 
  Relena was speechless.  Suddenly, he slipped his arms around her waist and 
  buried his head into her hair and shoulder.  She could feel his sorry and 
  depression, thought he hadn't even spoken to her.

  Although surprised like the hell had just risen above the ground, Relena 
  placed her arms around him, "Heero..what?...I..",  she couldn't finish her 
  sentence.  She was so surprised, she was being held in the arms of the one she 
  most loved and admired..yet three years ago it would have meant a whole 
  different thing.  She loved and respected him..and he was here with her right 
  now, it was strange.  He clung to her like a small child, she knew that she 
  pitied him.  

  "I'm sorry", he said through a muffled voice, only holding her more tightly, 
  "I'm sorry, Relena...". 

  Even more confused than ever, she spoke back to him, "Sorry for what may I 
  ask?". 

  "For losing communication.  I...I don't know what's happening to me, I can't 
  even tell who I am anymore". 

  Relena understood this, she had seen this many times, and she hated it.  This 
  was one of the many side effects one got from a war, being a soldier, meant 
  afterwards you didn't have much of a future. And in this care, a future for 
  Gundam pilots-drained of their emotions and feelings-were left in a world of 
  the lost.  

  "I'm a horrible person, I know that, I don't have a place to belong...I ask 
  for your forgiveness...."

  "Heero, you don't need to apologize for anything", she faced him as she pulled 
  his shoulders, "look, you're not a horrible person.  I'm telling you that.  
  You saved the Earth from destruction, you gave everyone here hope, and me a 
  will to live and a longing to become stronger.  You don't know, how much you 
  are admired, you live as a legend amongst the colonies, you and the other 
  pilots as well.  So don't tell me that you're a horrible person when you know 
  you did such things".  Relena stared into his eyes and he knew that she was 
  right.  Still, he couldn't stop himself from beating himself down like that.  

  Heero sat down on the wall again, "Where do I belong?  Earth is no place for 
  me...."

  "You belong here", Relena said sitting down next to him, "You're the heart of 
  outer space. Wherever your heart is, that is where you must stay, now tell me, 
  what feels right to you?". 

  He looked up into the sky of the colony, and for some reason, he felt relaxed 
  and at peace.  Was it because he was on the colony, or was it because of her?  
  Either way, he knew where he was to belong. He felt safe here, natural.  It 
  wasn't Earth, it was space.  The answer had been the simple, but a new life 
  wasn't what was expected.  He leaned his head against Relena's shoulder, and 
  closed his eyes.  "My heart is in outer space.  I want to stay here", He 
  smiled, "Thank you, Relena".   

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  Uh...I wrote this in one day for some reason, I guess I was bored or 
  something.  Well, here's one for all of you Heero Yuy fans that were asking me 
  about a Heero Yuy fic.  Heh heh, I had fun writing this. Anyway, thanks for 
  reading.