Duo + Coffee × 24 Hours of Animal Planet = Insanity By: Shini-Gami ~*~ Note: I was really bored when I made this story. ~*~ ~*~ Legal Stuff: I don't own Gundam Wing (I wish I did) or the characters, nor do I own Animal Planet or anything else that belongs to the Discovery Channel. So, please don't sue me! I have no money! ~*~ It is a nice and boring Monday night. The G-Boys have nothing to do. So, they are staying at Quatre's mansion to play games or watch TV. Trowa and Wufei are playing chess, Trowa is winning, Quatre is reading a book, and Heero is watching Duo look through the cabinets for something to eat or drink. Most of the cabinets are empty. Duo: Man! Doesn't Quatre eat? Heero: He could if you didn't eat all of the food. Duo: It's not my fault I was hungry! Heero: Every hour? Duo: I can't help it! I'm a growing boy! Heero: Duo no baka… Duo: What was that, Heero? Heero: Nothing. Duo goes back to exploring the cabinets. Heero looks into the living room when he hears the TV turn on. Quatre turns the station to Animal Planet. Heero sees some monkeys running across the screen. Heero: Hey, Duo! Your family is on TV! Duo runs to the doorway and looks at the TV. Two of the monkeys are doing… Well, you know… Trowa: That was really mean. Heero [sarcastically]: Gomen, Duo. Duo: You're not sorry and you know it! Heero: I know. Heero walks into the living room and sits down on the couch next to Quatre. Duo looks in the last of the cabinets and finds something. He finds coffee crystals that have a lot of caffeine in them. Duo: Hey, Quatre! Quatre: What do you want, Duo? Duo: Do you have a coffee maker? Quatre: Yeah. It's under the sink. Duo: Thanks. Duo gets out the coffee maker and starts making some coffee. In about five minutes it is done. He pours himself a cup, goes out into the living room, and sits down in front of the TV. He takes a sip of the coffee and his eyes get really round and dazed. He starts giggling as he watches a lion attack a gazelle. He scoots closer to the TV. Quatre: Duo, back up. You'll go blind. Duo [through his giggles]: I will not go blind you silly! Quatre [to Heero]: Is he all right? Heero: I'm not sure. I think I had better check what was in that coffee. Heero gets up and goes out into the kitchen. ~*~ In the living room, Trowa is getting annoyed with Duo's giggling and yelling.. Trowa: Quatre! Change the station or something! Before Quatre even has a chance to pick the remote up from the end table, Duo had gotten up and grabbed it. Duo: No change station! Me watching lion kill deer! [To himself] Need more coffee. Duo gets up and goes into the kitchen. Heero is reading the warnings on the side of the coffee can to himself. Heero: Warning #45: Do not operate heavy machinery. Warning #46: Do not drink more than one cup a day. Warning #47: May cause insanity if it is drunken while watching TV… Help us all! Duo drinks another cup of coffee while Heero is reading the fifty different warnings. He is now literally bouncing off of the walls. Heero: Duo! Calm down! Don't make me get the straight jacket! Duo runs into the living room and plops down in front of the TV. He also has a third cup of coffee, or should I say caffeine. Wufei is done losing at chess, so he goes over and stands near Duo and watches as he breaks out laughing at the loss of a gazelle. Duo grabs onto Wufei's leg and starts hugging it. Wufei: What the hell? Get off of me Duo! Duo [stuttering]: But… But why did the pretty deer… Deer go under the water? Wufei [trying to get away from Duo's grasp]: The crocodile ate it. Duo: Nani? No! He takes another sip of coffee and glues his eyes to the screen. It is a commercial with people dressed up at mosquitoes. He starts laughing hysterically as a very fake looking hand smashes one of them. Wufei finally gets away from him. Wufei: I'm going to bed before I get hurt. Wufei goes off to bed and leaves Trowa, Quatre, and Heero with Duo. Heero walks in with the coffee can. Duo jumps at him but Heero side steps and Duo flies into the wall. Duo: Itai… Heero: We should get rid of this before Duo gets anymore of it. Quatre: Put it in the garbage. I don't think Duo is that desperate. Heero does so and he shoots the coffee maker too. Quatre doesn't care. He has a back up hidden in the mansion somewhere. Heero comes back into the living room. Duo is now starting to imitate the animals and people on the TV. He also imitates Heero. Heero [to Quatre]: What should we do with him tonight? He won't sleep and he will probably stay in front of that TV all night. We can't trust him alone. Duo [mimicking Heero]: We can't trust him alone. Heero: Don't copy me, Duo. Duo: Don't copy me, Duo. Heero: Shut up! Duo: Shut up! Wufei [from his room]: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! Duo turns back to the TV when he hears the narrator talking about a cheetah. He is oblivious to anything around him, at the moment that is. Trowa [whispering]: Quatre, try to get the remote from him and the coffee. Quatre gets off of the couch onto his hands and knees. He reaches out to grab the remote but Duo karate chops his hand away, grabs the remote, and hugs it. Duo: Bad, Kat! No one touches my remote when I'm watching animal show! Heero: This is gonna be fun. Quatre, go get the straight jacket. Quatre nods and walks to the closet. Quatre: I have one other. Let's try not to ruin this one. Quatre walks in front of Duo and holds up the jacket. Quatre: Put this on, Duo. It's for your own good. Duo sticks his tongue out at Quatre and pushes him out of the way. Trowa: I think we'll have to jump him. Duo takes another sip of the coffee, which is cold now. Trowa and Heero get up and surround Duo. They go to jump on him but Duo scurries out of the way. Heero: He is on a caffeine high and I don't think he'll come down from it anytime soon. They jump at Duo again and Heero grabs Duo's leg. Heero: I have him! Put the jacket on! Duo is struggling and howling like the dog on the TV as Quatre and Trowa put the jacket on him. They pull all of the straps tight so that he can't possibly escape. They sit him on the couch and leave him there. He looks like he is on the verge of tears since his coffee was left on the floor. ~*~ Some time passes with silence from Duo. Animal Planet is still on the TV, he growled or barked anytime that someone tried to change the station. Trowa and Quatre are both asleep, Quatre in the chair, Trowa on the far end of the couch. Heero is starting to nod off. Duo won't let him though. He keeps talking to Heero about cockroaches and spiders. Duo: Did you know that a spider has eight legs? Heero [sleepily]: Yes. Duo: I bet that cockroaches will still be alive when the whole human race is extinct. Heero: I don't care, Duo. Duo shuts up and Heero falls asleep. Duo was starting to come down from his caffeine high, until he remembers that the can of coffee is on the top of the garbage. He wiggles out of the straight jacket and runs into the kitchen.. He opens up the garbage lid and picks up the can. He takes it into the living room, sits down even closer to the TV, and starts eating the coffee straight from the can. When the can is just about empty, and Duo just about reaches his limit, he gets up and picks up the straight jacket. He eyes his victims. Duo [to himself]: Let's see… Heero shot the coffee maker and threw out that perfectly good can of coffee… Trowa, well, he didn't do much. I'll spare him, for now… Quatre, he tried to take my TV clicker away… That isn't too bad. I guess I'll spare him. I'll get Heero! He walks over to the sound asleep Heero and props him up. In his other hand, he straightens out the straight jacket and gets Heero into it. He straps it together. Heero won't be getting out of it anytime soon. ~*~ Duo sits back down in front of the TV with the almost empty coffee can. A safari show is on now. Duo starts mimicking any sound he hears. He also turns up the TV until it is deafening. Everyone wakes up. Duo is laughing and whooping over the sound of the TV. Heero nearly screams when he notices the straight jacket on him and not on Duo. Heero: Duo! Get this off of me! Wufei comes out of his room and turns down the TV when Duo wasn't looking. Duo [whining]: Wufei! You touched my TV! Wufei: Shut up, Duo! You're whining like a woman. Duo surprisingly shuts up. His caffeine high is letting up. Quatre gets Heero out of the straight jacket. Heero gets out his gun and is about to shoot Duo until Quatre steps in front of him. Quatre: Duo doesn't deserve to die… Maybe… But right now, he isn't in his right mind. Heero: I'll fix that! He kicks the empty coffee can and hits Duo square in the face. Duo sits back, slowly coming out of his high. He is now in the area of saneness so that the other pilots can go to bed without worry of him breaking something. They go to bed and leave Duo sitting in front of the TV dazed and drooling. He watches Animal Planet in silence for the rest of the night. ~*~ The next morning, Wufei is the first one into the living room. He sees Duo lying on the floor asleep while an episode of Dragonball Z plays on the TV. Heero comes into the living room. Wufei: Duo must have changed the station when he got back to normal. Heero: Yeah. Thank God! ~*~ The moral of the story is, don't drink extra strength coffee and watch Animal Planet at the same time. It's a very bad combination.